The Cries of a Mother

Here's an email I received from a mom who is out of ideas on how to help her son.

Hi,
I am wanting to get in touch with you regarding my son, who has been struggling for years since about the time he was 12 yrs. old. He is 21 yrs. old now. He has been in trouble over the years. He quit school in 10Th grade. I just have to do something. How can I just let him drink and use pot, etc. in the house. I was going to give him an option of getting some help or finding some place else to live because I just can't watch him destroy his life. He was caught shoplifting recently and has been in a very tumultuous relationship with a girl.
I am a single mother and this is very hard for me to do because I'm afraid of what may happen to him. But he seems to be getting worse. His father was a heroin addict who remarried and moved away a few years ago to another state.
I don't really think he wants help at this point but he believes it is his destiny to end up in prison. I went through so much with his father and it is so hard to watch him now do similar things. He talks about ending his life at times.


Here's my reply email.

Hi
It's always difficult when someone is not ready to change or even contemplating change anytime in the near future. This makes a step of intervention difficult but that is an option we can do. I would be more than willing to meet with your son or with the two of you if you think he would agree to that. Another option would be to see if he would be willing to check out the group we have on Tuesday nights. There are several guys there in his age range who have been in prison and are seeking to change their lives through a relationship with Jesus Christ. At the same time we have a women's group made of of moms and spouses of addicts and women caught
in addiction. I think this would be a great place for you to share your heart, your hurts and your hopes.
When is a good time that we could talk by phone to see what an appropriate next step would be.
In Him,
Dave

This is typical of the cries of loved ones that we receive at 'Etsah Ministries every week. Also, more and more pastors have begun to call us and say they are getting these types of calls and emails and don't feel equipped to respond.

To meet these needs 'Etsah Ministries not only offers intervention, individual and family counseling and group counseling. We also refer many people into short or long term programs if that option fits their need to get "out of the storm" of addiction and into a safe place where they can see things from a different perspective.

We also provide workshops and presentations tailored to meet the needs of your church, community or culture and assist you in starting up or expanding ministry into addictions in your church. If you would like additional information please email or call at your convenience.

Hope for Drinking Moms!

Here's an excerpt from an email that is typical of numerous emails and phone calls our ministry receives every week. The parentheses were added to ensure confidentiality.

My husband and I met with (the leaders at our church this Sunday). I recently came home after being at Caron Treatment Center in Wernersville for 31 days. I came home and drank within 2 days. Within a weeks time my husband had to take the Children out of our house 3 separate times due to my drinking. They suggested we talk with you as to what steps I need to take now. Our children are 13 and 10 and just ended school for the summer. I was planning on being a full-time mother after working in our business for 12 years. My husband and I are concerned as to what to do.

What would you say if you were the pastor of this family? What would you say if you were there neighbors, relatives, brothers and sisters in Christ?

The focus that God has given us in 'Etsah Ministries is to help moms like this to see what it is that they have been medicating. Why for this women is alcohol soothing and what emotion is it numbing? When this is revealed, Jesus can heal that old hurt, scar, pain, emotion! When He has healed her the alcohol will no longer be the medication or the escape that it has been in the past.

God wants to restore His children to healing, wholeness and identity in Him. As He does this, He restores families. We ask for your prayers for this family as God begins to work in their hearts, minds and lives this week.

A Day in the Life

So today was not quite like every other day but not really all that different.....
It was my day to update probation officers with my monthly fax as to individual client's attendance, participation and progress. Besides doing that and sending 30+ faxes, I also updated my mailing list for inmates that I met at county prison who are now at state or federal prison. Our family will be on vacation from June 7th to 14th and I want to send these men and women a postcard. This carries several functions including: they know I'm thinking of them and they have a postcard photo to hang on they're wall to remind them that I love them.

In the midst of that I received a call from a 32 year old man I met over 2 years ago in Lancaster County Prison. He said "Dave I love you, I want to thank you for all you did for me and I want to say goodbye." I asked, "Where are you going?" He said "To hell I guess... I lost my wife, my family and my job...I'm going to kill myself." Then he hung up and did not answer my repeated calls to his cell phone.

What would you do? This is a young man that has found the Lord and who has been praying for reconciliation with his wife and 3 young children he lost to his cocaine addiction and incarceration. I personally met with his wife and in-laws a couple of times.

Long story short, after much prayer I called 911 and also crisis intervention and 302'd him. As I write this he is in Lancaste Genral Hospital on the 302 and he is stuggling to grasp if I rejected him or loved him through my actions. I ask for your prayers that he grasps the depth of my love and the Father's love through this ordeal. I have seen far to many men and women die in their addiction during my years in this ministry. I have had to inform far too many parents of the death oftheir son or daughter. I have heard way to many parents tell me "they died to me years ago when they chose drugs!"

I ask for your prayers and invite your email comments at david.hain@gmail.com or phone calls at 717-806-1891. Please pray for this young man as he perseveres through this crisis and God builds Christlike character in him.

Oh, by the way, I had several phone calls from a tearful mom who had received repeated calls from her 18 year old son who was on day 4 at a 28 day rehab for ketamine and other drug abuse. He was badgering his mom with words that made her feel unworhty as a mom if she didin't drive to pick up her son who thought he knew better than his counselors and wanted to leave the rehab to "get back to reality!"

Oh by the way again,... This was less than 24 hours afte numerous late night phone calls from a local pastor who wanted advice on what to say to parents as a response to their 20 year old daughter who announced that she was leaving to move 600 miles away with her boyfriend. Just a side note....the boyfriend had just bought $400 worth of heroin to take along because he "wouldn't know ehre tobuy it in this new state."

The devil is a liar!!!! Revelation 18:23 says that Babylon will be cast down because by her sorcery all nations were deceived. The Greek word for sorcery is pharmekeia. We are living in that time of deception!! Will you join us in prayer and in the battle? We need your prayers...your insight from God...and your support as God stirs in your heart to finacially support the expansion of this ministry.

God Touching Addicts' Hearts

As we minister to addicts in group meetings or as we share God's heart for addicts in workshops, we almost always use songs that God has placed in the heart of gifted musicians. Many of you are familiar with popular songs which speak into addiction like Does Anybody Hear Her?, The Altar and the Door, and Slow Fade by Casting Crowns. Probably many of you have also heard songs like Breathrough and When I Don't Know What to Do by Tommy Walker. However, I would guess that very few of you have heard of Keith Naylor or his group ASIAM.

For years I had used Keith Naylor's song Spring Street as short term mission teams would come to Philadelphia to minister with us on the streets. Most of the people coming on these mission trips would arrive convinced they were "bringing Jesus" to Philadelphia. The challenge that we gave these missionaries was to "find Jesus" on the streets, in abandoned homes, in crack houses, in His children caught in the snare of addiction. The lyrics to the song Spring Street are an awesome portrayal of this call on each of us as we minister in addiction.

God speaks powerfully and lovingly through the words of Keith Naylor's music as we play his songs at the beginning of groups in prison and at our office. In Lancater County Prison whether the group is men or women we always need to have several rolls of toilet paper available to wipe the tears that begin to flow as the inmates are touched by the lyrics.

Keith's song Is There Love begins with the emptiness of young woman caught in addiction and ends with an alcoholic under a neon sign. Like all addicts, they are "looking for a touch that will cleanse their soul" and "make them whole." In the song Footsteps, Keith hauntingly introduces us to the loss of innocence and pain of sexual abuse of children. In each of his songs, Keith Naylor weaves the hope of Jesus Christ as the love, the healing, the wholeness, the restoration that is so desperately needed by everyone in addiction. The song A Flower Grows promises that "in this decayed and dying soul, a flower grows."

If you haven't heard Keith Naylor's music, I urge you to seek it out online. You will truly be blessed. If you facilitate groups at your church or other places, I want to encourage you to watch God work as you utilize this music in your ministry. If you wish you had groups available in your area, please contact us at david.hain@gmail.com. We'd love to come and help get groups started. Our ministry's mission is to share the passion that He has placed in our hearts to set His children free from the bondage of addiction.

I mentioned Keith's group ASIAM at the beginning of this blog update. I'd like to close with excerpts from their song As I Am. As you read the words, can you hear God's heart for His children...your brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, spouses, neighbors...searching for something to make them feel whole?

As I Am from the CD Living in the Forever Now

And as I am my mind is broken
As I am my heart is cold
As I am my life is only shattered pieces
And pieces that are worn
As I am, As I am

And as I am my dreams they've fallen
As I am my failure's strong
As I am my hope for sacrificial loving
Is calloused by my lust for what is wrong
As I am, as I am

...
And as I am my words they're empty
...
As I am behind this mask of strength and courage
Is only a lost and broken soul
...
As I think about my life without Your hope
...
And I think about this life and all it's blackness
Cause in Your eyes, in Your eyes
As I am is whole

God's Hand in Groups

God has been doing some awesome things in our groups at our Leola office recently! The number of people coming has steadily increased since the beginning of the year. Last Tuesday every chair in our office was used!!!

At 6PM we have a men's group in one room and a women's group in another. God is using these groups powerfully to open up the minds and hearts of people caught in addictions and their families. In the midst of this He is moving to bring understanding, healing, wholeness, reconciliation and restoration to relationships torn apart by addictions.

God's heart is for families!!! Some examples of His heart in action are: 4 married couples are coming to our groups (men in one room and women in the other), 2 dating couples, 2 moms with their sons and one mom with her daughters. In each of these families God is bringing understanding which leads to freedom for the addict and forgiveness by the wounded family members.

We also hold these groups inside Lancaster County Prison. As a result, family members of men and women who are incarcerated are coming to learn more about addiction. I was truly blessed last week when a fiancee and mother of a man recently incarcerated came to our group. Now, these women are studying my book, The Heart of an Addict, the same as their incarcerated loved one and they are prayerfully discussing what God is showing them on weekly visits with the inmate.

Our heart as 'Etsah Ministries is to help plant groups like this around the world! Recently groups have started in Johannesburg, South Africa. If you are interested in seeing groups started in your area or in a prison in your area please contact us for more information.

A Mom's Heart for Her Incarcerated Son

Here's a letter that I received recently from a mom in Georgia.

I just wanted to take another opportunity to thank you so much for making the extra effort in getting a book sent to my son. I am so thankful to God for people such as yourself, that have taken the opportunity He has given to touch so many lives. Until you get dragged into this situation of having to deal head on with an addiction issue, you really don't realize how important people like you are. I know I didn't. I had never had to deal with anything like this. John 10:10 says that "The enemy does not come except to kill, steal and destroy." I know that the enemy is using these terrible drugs to destroy our children, and our families.

When my son asked for your book (shich he read about in some Christian magazine while in jail), I knew I had to do whatever I could to get it into his hands. He was addicted to cocaine and meth, and would do anything to get it. Now, I thank God for allowing him to get stopped in his tracks, even though this has been a hard road, to save his life. Thank you again for everything you are doing.

One Baby's Journey by Shawn Hain

Recently I had the opportunity to walk through one of the hardest good things I have ever seen. I know how strange that sounds, I also have never been more at a loss for adjectives that would adequately describe a situation.
For me, it all started about eight months ago. We got a frantic call from a family who's single daughter was in a hospital. Complications from an attempted abortion had sent her to the hospital in another city. She never intended for anyone to know about the abortion, which was not completed. She decided to try again.

Without even knowing me, she said I could come along with her to her appointment at the abortion clinic. This appointment was an informational one. She would be informed about her choice, see an ultrasound of the baby and have a chance to ask questions. It was very eye-opening for me to see an abortion clinic in action and to hear their choice of words. For example the word "baby" was never used, instead the were simply going to "remove the pregnancy."
After she saw the ultrasound she decided, that since she was only around six weeks pregnant and the baby simply looked like a "blob" , that she was going to go through with it. It was heart-breaking watching her make the appointment for the abortion. But, I knew God in charge.
Four days after that appointment this girl called me, she had decided that she couldn't go through with it. Dave and I asked many people to pray, she had friends and family wanting her to reconsider and talking with her about it.

Here's where the story takes a very personal twist for me. Of the many things that Dave and I talked to this girl about, one of the things we told her was the story of my brother and his wife and their desperate desire to have a baby. After trying for five years to conceive through countless fertilty treatments they decided that adoption was their best option. When this young lady called me her exact words were, "I can't kill my baby, I want you brother and sister-in-law to have it." Amazingly, that same week was when my brother and sister-in-law were approved through their adoption agency, Bethany Christian Services.

Through this journey,I got to know this girl very well. It was really amazing watching someone who was used to focusing on herself begin to make some very selfless decisions. Through this journey I watched as a birthmother became more and more fond of the life growing inside her. She never wanted to be pregnant and have her life interupted like this and was very vocal about that. But, through her pregnancy she softned. It really was fun to watch her change and focus on her baby and his needs.

Well, as you can imagine this is where the really hard part comes in. On December 26, 2007 one fantastic little boy was born. This little boy has a lot of "family" to love him. My friend decided to care for the baby while she was in the hospital. Bittersweet is the only way to describe a time like that. For her this was the best hardest thing she has ever done. While in that hospital room she completely fell in love with her little boy. She fed him, cuddled him, loved on him, changed his diaper all the while knowing she was going to make an incredibly hard sacrifice to do what was best for him. She very graciously allowed his adopted Mom and Dad (my brother and sister-in-law) to visit their baby in her room.

On Saturday, his third day of life, one of the most incredible things happened to this cute little baby. There was a gathering of people just for him, some to say goodbye and some to welcome him into their family. All with an immense amount of love for that one special baby.
Although, his life was not planned by anyone on this earth, That little boy was not a mistake. He fits right into God's amazing plan for a family so desperately desiring him. And, this story is definately not finished God's connection between these two families has become very deep. What was never intended to be an open adoption has become one simply because of two family's love and deep respect for one another. We will just watch and see what incredible journey this little boy (my nephew) has begun.